I was in the kitchen earlier when a pigeon landed outside the window.
Now, I’d been minding my own business on the sofa, but the second I spotted that feathery idiot strutting around the garden like he’d just inherited the place, years of professional training kicked in.
Head down
Eyes locked
Backside engaged
Murder springs loaded
I launched off the sofa.
Unfortunately Dad saw me, the man caught me MID JUMP!
Look at this photo, this is not how you hold a cat.
This is how you carry a large, furious handbag you’ve just caught trying to escape through airport security.
My legs are still dangling in the position they were in when my career was so rudely interrupted.
“NO Willow”
NO?! Father, there is an unauthorised pigeon on the premises.
Put me down and allow trained personnel to handle this.
Instead, Dad tucked me under his arm and physically carried me away from the window so I couldn’t even SEE the pigeon.
Oh, that’s low!!!
I twisted my head around trying to keep visual contact.
Nothing!
Just Dad’s stupid T-shirt
“Calm down Wills”
CALM DOWN?! You’ve blindfolded the sniper halfway through an operation.
I tried leaning sideways.
Dad moved me further away.
I stretched my neck.
He turned around
Mate, I know there’s a pigeon behind you, moving me twelve feet across the kitchen hasn’t erased it from existence.
Then he started stroking my head as though we were having a lovely cuddle.
Look at my face!
Does that look like a cat enjoying a cuddle?
That is the face of an employee being physically removed from the workplace while the problem is still happening, forced to watch my pristine tactical advantage evaporate into thin air while my employer treats a national security threat like a minor inconvenience.
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