I’d like to discuss the complete lack of dignity afforded to a gentleman in this house.
I was washing myself this morning, minding my own business and performing routine ear maintenance when somehow I managed to flick one of my ears inside out.
Did I panic?
No
Did it hurt?
No
Was I even particularly bothered?
Also no
Mother, however, reacted like she’d just witnessed the greatest comedy event of 2026.
“Oh my cod Felix! LOOK AT YOUR EAR!”
Yes, Mother I’m aware it’s attached to my head.
Then, instead of HELPING ME, she reached for her phone.
Obviously because why immediately assist your beloved eldest son when you could first collect photographic evidence of his temporary ear malfunction?
So there I sat one ear perfectly normal.
The other looking like it had been installed by someone who hadn’t read the instructions.
Mum was absolutely losing it.
She took photos from several angles
Apparently my humiliation required coverage
“Felix, you look ridiculous!”
Excuse me?! You voluntarily wear crocs Mother, let’s not start throwing stones.
I tried maintaining a dignified expression, but it’s extremely difficult to look intimidating when one side of your head appears to be buffering.
Eventually, after she’d laughed enough to significantly shorten my inheritance, Mum wandered over and flicked my ear back the right way.
Boink
Fixed
Took her approximately half a second.
Which means the previous three minutes were entirely unnecessary.
I stared at her!
She stared at me.
Then she laughed AGAIN!!
Honestly, humans are so easily entertained.
Give a cat an inside out ear and suddenly it’s Saturday night at the Apollo.
Still, I suppose there are worse things.
Some cats have embarrassing baby photos.
And honestly, knowing her, those photos are probably already saved to a cloud folder titled “Blackmail Material” to be deployed at my future wedding or displayed on a digital picture frame in the hallway. But let history record that I endured the flashbulbs, survived the social media ridicule, and came out the other side as majestic as ever.
Besides, revenge is a dish best served at 3:00 AM—preferably right across her face while she’s sound asleep, accompanied by a chorus of midnight yowls to remind her who really runs this household. Dignity may be temporary, but a cat’s petty vengeance is eternal.
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